Ending a Job the Right Way

Today, we have a post from "Dad" Dan Loughin, discussing how best to end an employer / employee relationship. Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

As with every other one of my posts, here’s another story that comes from personal experience.  While neither of these examples is me, they are people that I have worked with at some point, and have seen firsthand how they handled the situation.

Steve’s wife received a job offer in Oklahoma in May, and it was one she couldn’t turn down.  The following day at work, Steve contacted his manager, as she did not work in the same location, to inform her that while he doesn’t have anything lined up in Oklahoma, he will be leaving the company by the end of the year to be with his wife out of state.  His manager thanked him for informing her.  Steve then spent three months at work setting all of teammates up for success, even though they were all unaware that he would be leaving.  In his free time, he was consistently looking for work in Oklahoma, but was coming up short.  At the end of August, Steve was feeling stressed out that he couldn’t be with his wife, and decided that he would leave early.  The next day at work, he called his manager to inform her that he would be leaving after 2 weeks.  He then informed his team.  He worked his tail off servicing and acquiring customers for the company.  On his last day, his only task was to turn in his keys and sign the proper forms to terminate his position.  Instead, he stayed a few hours to help teammates with questions that they had.

Liz, in December of last year, transferred departments on the promise that she would be promoted to a position once it had been vacated by Richard, as he was returning to school and was unable to fulfill the requirements of his position.  As soon as Richard had vacated his position, it had been eliminated by the company.  Liz felt slighted, and it showed in her work.  She was consistently late, was not working on the sales aspect, and told the occasional customer how the company had screwed her over.  In the beginning of December, she received a job offer from another company to start in February.  She immediately started informing customers and a few coworkers, but did not inform her managers.  For the following two months, she failed to complete even basic tasks, and instead was planning her wedding which was to take place later in the year.  In the meantime, one of the customers approached her manager and asked how the manager would handle the location without the presence of that employee.  When Liz finally did deliver her two weeks notice, the meeting did not go as Liz had planned, and a screaming match erupted.  Furious, Liz walked out that day.

Which individual handled their circumstance correctly?  Obviously, it’s Steve.  But these are extreme examples, and you will probably never have to be involved with either.  However, here is a quick guide on how to quit anything gracefully without burning bridges.  Thanks go to a college life course that I had taken years ago, and to the Art of Manliness for the information.

People Change Jobs Often.  There is a statistic, as of 2003, that the average individual will change his or her job 8 times over the course of their lives (for the record, I’m at 4).  This means that not only you will change your job 8 times, but all of you coworkers will as well.  This also means that if you burn a bridge at your current company by leaving improperly, you may also burn your bridges at several others.  As I work in a building with 5 other people, that’s not only the company I would leave, but potentially 40 other companies that my coworkers may or may not be working.  Be mindful of this as you move forward with a change.

Give Notice.  While you may not have any obligation, per company policy, to notify your employer in a given timeframe that you will be leaving them, it’s still a great personal policy to notify your employer (translated: your manager) as soon as you know you’ll be leaving the company.  Yes, they may escort you out the door.  Yes, they probably won’t provide you the same courtesy if they let you go.  But you want to give notice for one simple reason: your coworkers.  If you don’t let your company know you’re leaving, and just abruptly take off, then you will leave them with the burden of carrying your work.  And if you’re close friends with anyone you work with, then you’ll invariably strain that relationship.

Tell Your Boss First.  This should be simple.  Your boss needs to be the first person to know.  Why’s that?  There are things that you don’t know about that your boss has to complete for you to leave the company.  There may also be disclosures that you may sign for fear of getting sued (yes, that’s a long shot, but still a risk not worth taking).  Discussions always have a way of making it back to your boss.  Ultimately, your boss will be annoyed if they hear about your departure from someone other than you.  This may not look good for your exit interview, and may cause additional headaches with the company.  Moral of the story: talk to your boss about your impending separation before anyone else.

Always Have The Conversation In Person.  As most of you reading this are going to either work for a small company or a retail place of some sort, you need to speak with your boss in person.  No text, no phone call, no e-mail.  In person, face to face.  This is more being brave than anything else.  If you have the confidence to discuss this with your boss, then your confidence in other areas will rise.

Be Prepared For The Conversation.  You need to discuss things after you put your two weeks notice in with your company.  You must be able to deal with these as they are brought up.  Do you have a transition plan?  Basically, what are you working on, and who’s going to be taking them over.  What will you do if you’re given a counter-offer?  This one actually happened to me: I was offered more money to stay in a current position as I was placing my notice, but there were other reasons as to why I was leaving the company.  Point is, I was prepared for them to make a counter-offer, and I knew I was going to decline it (unless they offered me $1 million.  That would be silly to turn down.)  Are you willing to stay longer if they need you to?  Generally, this doesn’t happen, but if they have a need to hold onto you for another week, are you able to?  Are you ready to go home today?  As mentioned earlier, you may be asked to leave immediately.  You need to be able to take care of yourself and pay your bills while waiting to start a new job.

Be Concise And Positive.  You don’t want to chit chat your boss to death before you give your notice.  It’s not respectful of anyone’s time, specifically your bosses.  If you’re quick and to the point, your boss will be much more grateful.  Also, even if you hate your job or your boss, be as positive as possible.  You want to thank them for the opportunity, not take the time to bad mouth the company.
Ask About The Details.  As mentioned before, there may be paperwork that you have to sign.  If you have benefits, you need to take care of those too.  You may also receive compensation of some sort (if someone resigns from the company I work for, they get paid for their unused vacation).

Write A Formal Resignation Letter.  While most companies don’t require a resignation letter, it comes in quite useful if there is a question as to when your official last day is.  The letter will stay with your records.

Don’t Pack It In.  Just because you’re leaving, it doesn’t mean that life slows down at work.  Stay on top of your job, like Steve did, to leave your teammates in great shape.  But don’t, however, start any new projects if you can help it.  You would only leave headaches for those behind you.  Any projects you were working on before giving notice you’ll want to keep the next person as on point with it as possible, to avoid any possible issue that may arise with it.

Stay Off Social Media.  You made it this far.  Congratulations, you’ll be missed.  However, the second you post something negative on Facebook about how horrible your former job or coworkers are is the second you lost all of that good karma you built.  Just stay away from any social media when it has to do with work.

Send A Warm Goodbye.  If you partner with anyone in other departments or companies, let them know that you are leaving the company.  They need to know you’ve left.  A mass e-mail is ok, but you’ll want to let them know individually.  Too many times have I had a partner at work leave the company without telling me, and then I look like a fool when I hand a customer their contact information.
 

Happy Holidays!

On behalf of all of us at PA DeMolay, happy holidays to you and yours!

No, for a little holiday humor, dedicated to our Executive Officer:

Twas the night before Christmas,
and all across Patton,
the world was soft and quiet,
and the snow lay thin and flattened.

Out from his house,
he came without sound,
walking his friends,
two large English Sheep-hounds.

A long walk they took,
angling round the bend,
his cold was finally leaving,
he felt on the mend.

He picked up the post,
then trod up the drive,
Brody and Dudley pulled,
causing him to nose-dive.

Back to the house he went,
limping as he goes,
muttering under his breath,
his limbs feeling froze.

He opened the screen,
dropping off his dogs,
then over to his office,
through the cold he did slog.

He unlocked the door,
and settled into his chair,
with black and white movies,
his only company right there.

On Freedman, on Ullom,
on Gottschall, on Knapp,
quickly typing away,
 his keyboard click-clacked.

A message from Williamson,
popped onto the screen.
"What does he need now?"
he busted out with a scream.

"It's Christmas eve,
Doesn't Sam know?
I'm not responding tonight.
I'll blame the snow."

Over emails he poured,
responding with quips,
but there was only one problem,
on this blog post he did not click.

So, surprise "Dad" Labagh,
this poem is for you,
it's a good thing I'm gone for the week,
as you'll have some time to stew.

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony


 

Celebrating DeMolay Art

A long running joke here at the PA DeMolay office is the use of the word "art." When "Dad" Matt Blaisdell and I would work together on a project, we'd often have several failed versions or ideas that were totally off the wall. In order to feel like these scraps were useful, "Dad" Blaisdell would refer to them as "art."

Blank sheet of paper tacked to the wall? "Art." Stamping his arm with an address stamper. "Art." Pile of crumpled up designs - why, "That's art of course!"

While we may not be top tier artists (alright, Matt is, but I'm certainly not) there are DeMolays all over the world doing really creative things to bring awareness to our fraternity. I checked out some pieces on artist sites and pulled the ten most interesting items I found. They come from a wide variety of styles and ideas, showing just how creative our DeMolays are. Enjoy!

Frat ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

When does the six o'clock news start?

The other day, "Dad" Dave Berry, Executive Secretary of PA DeMolay, was waiting for a ride to an event. The ride was several minutes late and "Dad" Berry was becoming impatient. He remarked to me about how it seems that people are getting worse and worse at arriving to places on time or meeting deadlines.

It's a trend that I've personally witnessed in both my professional and Masonic careers. In general, people have become more lackadaisical about arriving to appointments on time or meeting deadlines assigned to them. No longer is "early the same as on time." Rather, you're lucky if people arrive when they say they will - and more often than not, you settle for people being up to fifteen minutes late. Deadlines are hardly that any more, as having materials turned in within a day or two of a due date has become acceptable. It's a sad state of affairs.When I worked at Games Workshop, I picked up a story that applies to this issue perfectly.

A college Broadcast Communications Class was having a final exam, wherein they had to produce a full, half hour television news program. The show was to begin at 6 PM, sharp, and include all of the items that a normal news show contains. The class did an amazing job - the news was timely, with sharp writing; the weather was clear and concise; the interest stories were moving and well planned. The class thought they had aced the final. Sadly, they were mistaken, as each and every one of them received a failing grade. Outraged, they went after the professor asking him why they failed and demanded an explanation. The professor asked them what time the program was supposed to start. One student responded 6 PM. The professor played back the recording of the program, pointing to the timer in the lower, right hand corner of the screen. He asked the class what time was shown. A student responded "6:03:25."

"... and that's why you failed. The six o'clock news doesn't start at 6:03. No matter how good your program is, if you can't start it on time, then no one will watch it."

Consistent, well regulated time management skills are the most important thing a young person can learn today. If you can master managing your own time, you'll already be leaps and bounds ahead of those around you.

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

The Power of What If

Today's post comes from frequent contributor "Dad" Matt Blaisdell. Enjoy!

What if DeMolay had more public ceremonies to present in schools to cover a larger membership growth target? That's a question which is drawn from Human Centered Design & Research.

Human Centered design is a creative approach to problem solving which starts with people and ends with innovative solutions tailored to meet the needs of your target market. It is used a lot with interactive solutions such as a Kiosk in the mall or the ATM at the bank down the street, but have you ever considered the Human Centered Design for DeMolay? 

Everything from the phone you have in your pocket to the stores you go to first at the mall has been designed, based on needs, goals and target markets (who we want to gain interest from.) The same goes for DeMolay and our internal interactions, such as our International Congress, our DeMolay & More Store, our Chapters and even the functions and purpose of our meetings. When DeMolay was first being designed, "Dad" Land had a goal and need in mind for an intended target market. He asked questions (internally or through feedback) about what works and what doesn't and tried new things - because progress doesn't happen when you spin your wheels in the mud.

Over 95 years of idea incubation, creation, collaboration and visualization for DeMolay has brought us to where we are today - a revised edition to our Ritual, updated forms which adhere to the needs of our leaders, our DeMolay presentations, and have you seen the old DeMolay shirts and clothing that were for sale? Most wouldn't be caught wearing something like that today, right? That's a lot of successful progress, which would not have happened if somebody didn't ask why and try something new for the sake of innovation.

This is where Human Centered Design comes into play in regards to DeMolay and what we do as members, as advisors and as people who want to see it succeed...


http://swaltersky.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/viability-desirability.jpg

The 15th edition of our ritual was created because...

Someone asked a question why we're doing something this way...

Some of the words used were dated.
The grammar wasn't consistent.
Our open ceremonies weren't as easy to access, as members, in comparison to our closed ceremonies.

 

Our submission forms have been updated because...

Someone asked a question why we're doing something this way...

Technology has allowed for a larger availability for internal access.
Changes in information requirements and content

Our membership presentations have been updated because...

Someone asked a question why we're doing something this way...

The target market has changed and updated their interests.
New technologies allow for new styles of presentations.
Interests are diverse and widely spread across a lot of areas.

Our apparel designs on the DeMolay & More Store updated because...

Someone asked a question why we're doing something this way...

Stock has run out of specific product, which is traditional.
New technologies emerge, allowing for new design styles.
Internal research happens, which shows which type of product sells and what doesn't.

I'm a huge proponent for innovation and questioning established mannerisms in any way of life. The key in Human Centered Design is to ask why we do things and how we can do it better when it comes to interactions.

On a local note, why do we do the things we do in our Chapters, State or International. Who's goals and needs are in mind? Like I mentioned above, a lot has happened in 95 years. Tons of changes, tons of adaptations (both good and bad), tons of rerouting directions based on needs and goals. 

DeMolay can go two ways in the next 95 years

1) Continue to build upon the established and accept what has been given to you. Do it because "it's the way it always should be."

2) Ask why, what the needs and goals are and where will DeMolay be in 95 years.

To create innovation through DeMolay, you should rethink it from the users (members of tomorrow) point of view, setting aside established functionality for general idea generation (playing the what if game)

4  Step List of Human Centered Design Innovation

1) Determine the needs & goals of your targeted market and members of tomorrow.
2) Share ideas and collaborate. Nothing can be solved by a single person, so collaboration is key in innovative success to determine different idea perspectives.

3) Visualize your ideas. Visualizing helps to understanding problems, communicate new ideas and identify new opportunities. Think of lots of ideas. Some too crazy too work and some too crazy to try. Hold on to the good and toss out the bad, but the main concept is to      develop new ideas that haven't been thought of before.

4) Interact with your idea. Try your ideas and test them to see what works and what doesn't. That might mean get together with some Chapter members and mock up a new prospect party presentation style or get feedback from a new brochure design.

The purpose of this article isn't to call out what doesn't work in DeMolay Chapters and organization as a whole, but to encourage members to consider the needs and wants of the members of tomorrow, in order to progressively work towards the next 95 years of success in DeMolay. Think and share ideas with your brothers and advisors and play the "What If..." game. 

 

The Terrible, No Good, Very Bad, Double Letter Foul

The first time I encountered the term "double letter foul" was from "Dad" Brent Richards. He was explaining the proper wearing of DeMolay regalia when he told us not to "double letter." Confused, I asked him what he meant by this. He explained that in the collegiate Greek fraternity system, it was considered bad form to wear more than one garment or piece of jewelry proclaiming your fraternity allegiance at one in the same time. If you were wearing your fraternity hat, you didn't also need to wear a fraternity sweatshirt. It was a simple, unwritten rule to keep people from going over the top.

In DeMolay, there are several ways to commit a double letter foul. For instance, if you are wearing your Chevalier cords, then you shouldn't also be wearing a Chevalier pin. Likewise, if you are wearing a Blue Honor Key, you shouldn't also wear your Founder's Membership Award. By displaying former, we already know that you have earned the latter.

I often see this happen with the multiple wearing of lapel pins and honors. Remember the old rule - one of each! You should wear no more than one honor or award around your neck, on your lapel, on your pocket, and on your hand. Also, as much as possible, they should all be for different things.

As an example, the wearing of an RD Medallion, a PMC Jewel, a Number One pin, and a Chevalier Ring is a perfect way to show that you have earned many awards and honors in DeMolay without going overboard. However, wearing your RD Medallion, Chevalier Cords, PMC Jewel, PMC-MSA, RD Lapel Pin, Chevalier Tie Tack, and Chevalier Ring is extreme and very overboard.

Whenever you are representing DeMolay in public, remember to wear only one DeMolay piece of clothing at a time. If you are wearing that awesome new shirt your Chapter just had created, you don't also need DeMolay shorts and a DeMolay hat. People will notice your shirt and ask you about it. They won't be any more inclined to ask you if you wear three more additional versions of the same logo. If they are interested, they'll ask. If not, they won't.

This issue isn't just limited to DeMolay! I see members of the Masonic Fraternity double lettering all of the time! More people than you may realize notice choices such as these and make judgments about the wearer without even knowing. It's always better to be safe and wear your affiliation in moderation. Be proud of what you have earned, but don't overdo it!

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

 

Suit Up - but in what color?

Today's post comes from "Dad" Dan Loughin, Assistant Director of the KeyMan Conference. His post is in response to my post of last Thursday. Enjoy! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

In a recent blog post, “Dad” Anthony had mentioned that “most men only own one suit – a black one.”  At first, I simply chuckled.  The reason is that not only do I own more than one suit, since I have to wear one every day for work, not one of them is black.  I must not be like most men (and, honestly, if any of you have had the pleasure of meeting me, you’d agree wholeheartedly).

This also got me on this train of thought: why?  Why is it that men will stick with a black suit?  There are a few possibilities, but nothing stands out more than this answer: comfort and safety.  Most men stick with black because that’s what they are used to, and that’s what they believe most other men will do, so they stick with black because they know it’s safe.  I’m here to change your minds with two words: go Navy (and, no, I’m not talking about the college football team).

To understand why I’m suggesting Navy, you need to know what the colors actually mean.  Black is traditionally associated with power, elegance, formality, death, evil, and mystery.  With black, if everyone is wearing it, you lose the power, negated by everyone wearing it.  Tuxedos are black because of the elegance and formality, but we’re talking about a normal suit here.  There’s also a reason why people wear black at funerals.  And with the psychological effect of black, why would you want to portray death, evil, and mystery to those outside of DeMolay?  Blue, which is where Navy falls, on the other hand, is traditionally associated with trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and heaven.  I can attest to this fact.  After I started wearing a Navy suit to work (I’m work in sales), I started producing at a higher rate for the simple fact that people trusted what I was saying.  I don’t sell anything that people don’t want or need, but I still have to convince them as to WHY it’s a good idea to purchase.  And blue goes a long way in building that initial trust. (Disclaimer, however: just because blue builds the initial trust, you can easily ruin it with your words and actions, so please be mindful about how you speak and act.)

Another reason I’m suggesting Navy is for coordination and matching.  Black is far more inflexible than Navy.  Navy is also a softer color than black.  Let me put it this way: “Dad” Anthony mentioned that black suits only work with black shoes.  Navy, on the other hand, can handle both brown and black.  And while you’re limited in the same fashion with shirt color, striped shirts look better with a Navy suit (in fact, I only wear striped shirts with my Navy suit, and no other).  Also, because of the strength of black, you have to be careful what color tie you wear with your black suit, because you could send the wrong message unintentionally.  And the Navy and yellow DeMolay bow tie that is so popular now isn’t as over the top with a navy suit.

Finally, and possibly most important, is that you stand out.  Remember the comments that most men buy a black suit?  If you don’t wear one, you immediately stand out.  Now, while you’re young, you may be shy and want to stick to the background.  Which is fine, but when you become an adult, you’re going to want to stick out in some fashion to get what you want.  Want to get the job?  You’ll be thought of the guy that didn’t wear black, and being thought of AT ALL in the interview process is positive.  Want to impress your crush?  Navy.  You’ll stand out and catch their eye.  Even better, when you’re on your date, no one will confuse you with the wait staff at dinner.

Wrapping up here, I’ll just leave you with some pearls of wisdom.  No matter what anyone says, a suit does not make the man.  A suit is not a costume to make you appear more of a gentleman; you need to act as such all the time.  Same stuff written above applies to charcoal.  Don’t eat yellow snow (I’m just seeing if you’re paying attention).  Only wear your suit when appropriate (i.e.: don’t wear it to the gym). 

Until next time, stay classy! ~ "Dad" Loughin

P.S. - If you are ASKED to wear a black suit by the host or director of an event, you better make sure you wear black.

The Value of a Good Pair of Shoes

Shoes are an expensive accessory in the wardrobe of any professional (and any DeMolay.) While it may seem like a good idea to go out and buy a cheap pair of dress shoes at PayLess or a department store, odds are, in the long run, you'll end up spending more. Why? Because those cheap shoes will last a few months and you'll be buying another pair again quickly. However, if you had spent a little more at the beginning, you could have purchased a quality pair of leather shoes that will last much longer. Plus, when they need to be replaced, you can often get them repaired for a fraction of the cost.

First of all, if you're buying dress shoes, you'll want them in one of two colors - brown or black. Brown goes with nearly every color of suit (except black), but most men only own one suit - a black one. So, know what suits you most often wear before choosing a shoe color. Once you know what color to get, you start to browse for shoes themselves. There are a ton of different styles and options, but I always advise to go with the most traditional and modest option because you want to get the most use out of your purchase (and weird styles are hard to match.)

When looking at shoes, look the following things (thanks to http://www.kinowear.com/a-simple-guide-on-dress-shoes/ for these tips.) -

• Your shoes should be made of real leather and have leather soles as well. (If you buy quality leather shoes, they can be refurbished a number of times and will last forever, which is ultimately going to be less expensive than having to replace  poorly made shoes every few months.)
• The soles of well-made shoes will be stitched, not glued, to the bottom of the shoes.
• The lining in better shoes is made of high-quality calfskin or natural leather, not synthetic materials.
• Finally, check out the stitching. It should be neat and should be barely noticeable.

Kinowear also offers the following tips when actually shopping for shoes -

1. Shop after you have been out and about a bit, since feet do swell. This way you will get the most realistic measurement.
2. Shop only at a store that uses a Brannock foot measuring device for determining your exact foot size.
3. Almost everyone has one foot larger than the other, usually it is the right foot; fit the shoes to the larger right foot. Do not rely solely on the size you have always worn. Different makes can vary significantly from each other, even though the numeric size is the same. Always try them both on, walk around in them, and buy them by how they feel on your feet – not just by the size.
4. Allow a half-inch between the tips of your toes and your shoes. If the toes of the shoes are pointed, be certain there is enough room for your toes to move comfortably. Shoes should never be tight over the instep of ball of the foot. You should be able to stick your index finger in the back for wiggle room.
5. When considering an oxford-style shoe, you should not be able to tie the laces so tightly that the two edges of the shoe meet. If you can, then a narrower size is probably better for you.
6. Buy leather shoes. Though more expensive, because it is porous, leather is the best for the health and comfort of your feet. In leather shoes the foot can breathe, discouraging the build-up of bacteria.
7. Shoes should fit from the moment you try them on. Do not accept the salesperson’s, “Once you break them in they will be fine.” The man-made materials used today do not stretch significantly, but leather adapts to your foot shape quite well.
8. When shopping, wear the same type of sock you will use with the dress or sports shoes. Too heavy or too thin socks will distort the fit.

As an aside, getting your shoes repaired is a great way to keep your favorite shoes going longer. Remember, leather forms to your foot, so a good pair of well-fitting leather shoes is worth way more to you once repaired than a new set of kicks. Check out this neat video which shoes how shoes are repaired.

 

While a good pair of shoes may be more expensive in the short run, in the long run you'll be happier, as they will last longer, fit better, and be more cost effective.

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

A Little DeMolay History Online

While looking for something interesting to blog about today, I came across a post from 2009 from the fine folks over at the American Heritage Museum. For those not in the loop, the American Heritage Museum is operated by the Ancient Accepted Scottish Rite for the Northern Masonic Jurisdiction. It is located in Lexington, MA, and specializes in Americana and fraternal history.

The post that drew my attention is titled Dancing DeMolays and displays a dance card dated 1931 from Reading Chapter, in Reading, PA. It's a neat little piece of history that relates specifically to PA DeMolay. As noted, it was given to the collection by "Dad" Paul Fisher, a Past Executive Officer of Pennsylvania, who resides in the Reading area. It's great to see PA DeMolay getting some attention from Masonic Museums, as we have a lot of history to offer.

While you are at the site for the American Heritage Museum, take some time to poke around. They have a great collection of historical artifacts and documents, including some items from the time of the American Revolution!

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

Happy Thanksgiving from PA DeMolay

Enjoy your holiday - Oh, and learn something while you're here thanks to this infographic! (Click the image to see it larger...)

 

18 Ways to Tie a Tie

Today's post comes to us by way of the internet. I recently came across these awesome graphics that show 18 different ways to tie a tie. The next time you have to get dressed up, try something a little different and regale your Brothers with your skills!

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

 

The Temporal Value of a Memory

Earlier this week, I received an email that is not all that uncommon. In it, a gentleman was inquiring as to the value of some of DeMolay Merit Bars that had belonged to one of his family members. The man had fallen on hard times and was hoping that it might have some value that could help him with his situation. Sadly, Merit Bars don't have much of an after market, so I had to break it to him that the piece he had didn't have much worldly value.

However, in his email, the man discussed the history of the set of Merit Bars; how it had belonged to an important family member and it had become an heirloom to himself and his children. It was obvious that the thought of parting with the piece to help his situation was tough on him. Fortunately (at least in one way) the value of the piece to he and his family far, far outweighed the value of resale. Thankfully, the bars will stay with him and be passed down to the next generation of his family.

This story brings up a good point. What is the value of the regalia that we obtain? Sometimes, it can be quite valuable monetarily, being composed of precious metals or precious stones. More often, it is simply an outward display of our dedication, rendered in metal with enamel and made to look quite impressive. The regalia has value, not because it's worth money, but rather because it represents the hard work, time, and effort that went into earning it. The medallion and cordon of a Chevalier or a Legionnaire are pretty much nil in terms of metal and materials. But, the sentimental value they retain is priceless for nearly every recipient.

As we approach Thanksgiving, we'd like to thank all of those who have labored on behalf of DeMolay and may have earned an honor or award. In that same vein, we hope that those who have received awards and honors are thankful - not for the physical emblem they have received, but rather for the experiences they've passed through to earn it.

In the words of our motto for our 90th Anniversary - "It's not the honor that you take with you, but the heritage that you leave behind."

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

Small Talk is a Big Deal

One of the biggest challenges of being a DeMolay State Officer is being asked to engage with others that you may not know in conversation. This could come in the form of a Prospect Party, a formal banquet, or a reception. Knowing how to make small talk and connect in these situations is a key skill and one that often differentiates good officers from great ones.

Check out this video from the Art of Manliness. In only eight minutes, you can have the basic skills of small talk down - skills that will help you for the rest of your life!

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

The Value of Connections

As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, I've recently purchased my first home. While the structure of the home is solid, it requires several "facial" updates. The light fixtures, paint, counter tops, vanities, etc. are all pretty dated. The electrical outlets need to be replaced and some minor plumbing needs to be completed to really make the house new again. This is the "price" I'm paying for having gotten a great deal on the home at well under market value. In real estate terms, they refer to this as putting in "sweat equity."

For the last week and a half, I have worked nearly 100 hours on my new home. I've learned how to wire an outlet, plumb a sink, paint an ugly wall, fix a garage door, trim an overgrown tree, clean my gutters, change a light fixture, and so much more. I was discussing these projects with a Masonic Brother and he asked where I learned to do all of these things. I answered honestly and told him that much of it came from my father, while the rest came from watching videos on the internet. Everything was going very smoothly. Then, last weekend came.

Saturday was a huge day of work. I arrived at the house around 9 AM and immediately got cracking. I had some help, thanks to "Mom" Stacy Meeker, who took on the major task of painting. Then, around 1 PM, Bro. Matt Blaisdell came over and offered to assist as well. He and Stacy took to painting a bathroom while I completed some electrical work. The projects were going well, until I hit an issue with a light switch. It had many more wires than I had previously worked with and I wasn't sure what to do. I tried several combinations. Finally, the light came on and I thought I had it fixed. Then, at the end of the night, when I went to turn the light off, it wouldn't switch off. Drats! I ended up flipping the breaker and left it for Sunday morning.

I started working on the switch first thing on Sunday. I spent nearly two hours trying to get the switch to work, with no luck. Realizing that further work was futile, I moved on to the next project - mounting a new light above the vanity in my bathroom. I removed the previous fixture off of the wall, only to realize that the wires were punched through the wall in the wrong place for the new light, stopping that project dead in its tracks. I was frustrated. I was getting angry. I wasn't sure what to do. My new house was causing me much consternation.

It was about this time that I remembered that Bro. Scott Smeltzer, a Senior DeMolay from the old Continental Chapter in York, is an electrician. I called and left Scott a message and he got back to me pretty quickly. I explained my issues and he offered to come to my house on Wednesday to look at my problems. As promised, Scott arrived on Wednesday and got right to work. In an hour and a half, he managed to take care of three projects. I had spent three times that much working on just one issue. He was a life saver, to say the least.

As he was finishing up the job, I asked him how much I owed him for the work. Scott responded "Nothing. This is what Brothers do. I help you, you help me. That's what it's all about." I was blown away. I had never expected him to do the work without cost and had money in my pocket ready to pay him. However, he wouldn't take any remuneration from me (and I tried a couple of times.)

This is the value of the DeMolay program - connections. Over a decade ago, I spent $50 to join Erie Chapter. Since that time, that $50 has grown in ways that I could never have expected. Had I called in an outside electrician, it could have cost me hundreds of dollars and this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what the Fraternity has done for me over the years.

The value of DeMolay (and Freemasonry) isn't monetary. It's the connections that it gives you the opportunity to make. If you invest in making, keeping, and supporting your connections, you're investing in a better future for yourself and your Brothers.

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

Hi, Dad!

Today's post comes from"Dad" Dan Kane, of Erie Chapter, who volunteered to write this piece in honor of our recently observed Obligatory Day, "Dad" Frank S. Land Day. Enjoy!

You don’t have to be involved with DeMolay for very long before you learn about a man named Frank S. Land or “Dad Land” for short.  Dad Land is known as the founder of the Order of DeMolay, a Masonic youth group for boys ages 12 to 21,  the story of which is shared with many through Herbert Ewing Duncan’s book titled, Hi Dad!  The root of the story is grounded in the relationship that Dad Land had with a young fatherless boy named Louis Lower. 

Dad Land, having no children of his own, developed a friendship with Louis and served as a mentor to him.  Dad Land recognized that there were many young men who would also benefit from this type of mentorship from a father figure and discussed the idea with Louis and some of his friends.  This event is known as the birth of DeMolay.

To this day, all advisors are addressed as either “Dad ____” or “Mom ____.”  I must admit that having boys address me as Dad was awkward at first as I have no children of my own, but it was something that I grew accustomed to hearing within the confines of the club or Chapter Room.
A couple of weeks ago, I entered a fast food restaurant and was immediately greeted by the boy behind the counter taking orders with “Hi Dad Kane!”  I was taken back by hearing this greeting outside the walls of the Chapter Room and with others close by who did not know of the customs of DeMolay.  Then, instead of hearing “number 46, your order is ready,” I heard, “Dad Kane, your order is ready.”  I laughed to myself as I retrieved my order wondering what questions were going through the minds of the others in the restaurant.

As I sat and enjoyed my meal, a sense of humility and honor came over me - humility in that did I live up to the example set by Dad Land? Then, honor, by being recognized by a DeMolay as being worthy to be called “Dad!”

You've mastered the bow tie, but how about the pocket square?

In the last year, bow ties have taken the DeMolay world by storm. They are a quirky, fun alternative to the regular four in hand tie. Even DeMolay International got in on the action with a series of excellent bow ties. Any DeMolay who wants to really show off, now wears a bow tie. So, what's the next step in fashion rejuvenation? Enter, the Pocket Square.

I'm a big of pocket squares, as I feel they add a distinct and dapper look to any jacket. However, just like with bow ties, they require a little finesse to really make right. Check out the handy guide I've posted below on how to fold a pocket square.

Let's see if you can master this!

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony

 

Andrew Carnegie - The Ben Franklin of Pittsburgh?

Pennsylvania has been home to many famous public figures, philosophers, and business men. Often, we get tied up in the ideas of Ben Franklin or William Penn. But, another figure looms large, and that is Andrew Carnegie, who's name, reputation, and personal wealth are intricately tied to Western Pennsylvania and the city of Pittsburgh.

Recently, the Art of Manliness Blog wrote a piece about Andrew Carnegie, comparing him to Ben Franklin (a bit anyways) and discussing some of the life lessons that he lived by. Carnegie was a wealthy man, but he always had a charitable cause that he could work towards.

Click here to read the article!

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony
 

Personal Responsbility in Action

On Monday, I wrote a lengthy post about being an adult and how that relates to personal responsibility. It's been quite popular and has had several reads and shares. I know that I take a narrow view of responsibility and adulthood, but I was reminded why this is the case on Monday evening. When I wrote that piece, little did I know that I would have to put my "money where my mouth is" so to speak.

On Monday evening, I was to confer the First Degree in Freemasonry in my Lodge as the Worshipful Master. What does that mean to the average person? That I needed to perform about 45 minutes of memorized speaking for a brand new Brother joining the Fraternity. I would be his first exposure to Freemasonry and how I performed would stay with him for the rest of his life.

Prior to my performance, we had some other degree work to do. I participated in the work in another position, waiting my turn to take center stage. As we did this work, I found myself feeling increasingly un-well. Before Lodge, I had rushed home and then headed back out to visit "Dad" Dave Berry while he recovers from surgery. I failed to have dinner and I was paying the price in the form of some very bad stomach cramps. I had made a decision to skip dinner and it was my turn to face the consequence of that decision. I needed to take responsibility for my choices.

As I returned to my chair in between Degrees, I pondered what to do. I thought about asking one of the other members to do the Degree and excuse myself. I though about trying to get through half and then perhaps switch out. Then I remembered my blog post. What would switching out solve? It might relieve me in the short term, but what did it say about me as a Brother? As an officer? As a leader? It said that if I didn't feel up to the task, I'd just quit and make someone else do it. That's not me. I refuse to quit.

When it was my time to do the Degree, I manned up. I took my station. I powered through. I was in a pretty decent amount of pain, but I managed. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I know that I skipped some parts and missed a few words, but I made the performance sound sharp. I did the best job I could and tried to make the candidate feel welcome. As I finished the degree, I openly asked the Brothers for their forgiveness of my mistakes, stating that I wasn't feeling well. Several members came up to me and congratulated me on doing a fine job. They said that they didn't even notice I wasn't well and that knowing I was feeling bad made the degree all that much more impressive. I didn't offer my admission as an excuse for a less than adequate performance. Rather, it was meant as a heartfelt acknowledgement that I wasn't on my game and that they should expect more of out of me. Thankfully, that's exactly how my Brothers took it and they supported me (even as I quickly left for home.)

I'm proud that I got through that Degree in the condition I was in. But, I'm more proud that I had managed to live up to my own ideals and musings. I had taken personal responsibility for my actions. I didn't shirk my duties or discover a way out. I dealt with the discomfort as best as I could and performed under the circumstances. I was responsible to myself, to my Lodge, to my Brothers, and to the newest member I had just conferred the work on.

That was an adult decision.

Frat! ~ "Dad" Seth Anthony