We are always looking for enthusiastic new advisors, but sometimes the excitement is too intense, and the desire to change the Chapter, or change the boys, clouds good judgment. Here is a fictional dialog adapted from real conversations I have had with several Senior DeMolays who want to come back and make things just like they were in the "good old days." I hope you enjoy!
"Dad" Thomas R. Labagh (TRL)
EO in PA
TRL
I'm glad you want to be an advisor, but it won't happen overnight-- the Advisory Council needs to get to know you, and you will need to take DeMolay Advisor Development training and submit to a complete background check.
NewGuy
OK, so how soon can I do the training? I want to get started with these guys right away. They have so much to learn-- they don't even open and close the meeting. They don't know what Preceptors are. They've never worn a degree costume. I mean-- they don't really know what DeMolay is!
TRL
We do the training at least 6 times a year at the Patton Campus, and for new chapters, but we'll set up a local training whenever an Advisory Council can get 10 people to commit to attending.
NewGuy
OK-- I'll get 10 new advisors right away so we can have a training here. Our Advisory Council Chairman can do the training, can't he?
TRL
No. We have a team of trainers who will present the lessons. Nobody from the local Chapter can be your trainer, however. We want to be sure that new and different ideas are shared.
NewGuy
That's why I want to get the training over with right away, so I can get in there and give them new ideas and show them how to be a "real" DeMolay chapter. If they do what I tell them, they'll have a great chapter again in no time!
TRL
First of all-- you should be careful NOT to go into the training like you know it all, and there is nothing you can learn from it.
NewGuy
I didn't mean it that way-- I'm just anxious to get started, and I was told I can't meet with the guys for rehearsals and teach them how to plan better until I am approved.
TRL
Well, that's partially true-- you can't supervise them, but with other advisors present, you can still work with them.
NewGuy
What? Don't you trust me to supervise the guys properly?
TRL
Trust is earned-- never given. It's not me, but the local advisors who need to trust you. But our youth protection rules don't allow us to work with the guys alone. There is always another advisor present.
New Guy
It seems like everyone is now under suspicion of being a child molester.
TRL
NOT AT ALL-- Having other Advisors with you means that you are never put in a position to make an important decision without the benefit of additional adult counsel, or that you are never left alone during an emergency situation.
NewGuy
I never thought of it that way--
TRL
The youth protection rules are much broader for a good reason. The concept of two-deep leadership is for EVERYONE's protection. If something happens, you need to have help. If someone gets injured, one advisor has to be with him, and the other advisors continue to supervise the group.
NewGuy
That really makes sense. So, can I get the training to learn this stuff right away? I've got a lot of plans for this chapter-- we're going to be the best chapter in the state again, soon!
TRL
Patience, my friend. Your plans don't matter much-- the leadership team needs to "buy in" to the course of action to be taken. The boys and the advisors need to agree on the direction the chapter will take.
NewGuy
I keep forgetting-- things are different than when I was active. Back then, the Chapter Advisor made all the decisions. Every Chapter was like that.
TRL
That may have been true, but now, we want Chapters to operate as "youth led, adult advised." Our youth protection rules aren't just about sexual abuse or safety-- the "two-deep leadership" rule of having at least two advisors at everything is also about having checks and balances in our ideas and enthusiasm, too.
NewGuy
With all that agreeing, it must take longer to get things done.
TRL
It certainly requires good leadership principles. It also is to make sure that new advisors approach everything with proper "balance" to make sure that neither they, nor the guys, overdose on TOO MUCH DeMolay...
NewGuy
What do you mean, overdose? How can you get too much DeMolay?
TRL
It is easy to get really busy, and really wrapped up in the program, but sometimes that comes at the expense of family, job, friends, and even mental health... so you need to try to expand and change the local program slowly... for your own benefit as well as the Chapter's...
NewGuy
I just went through the process of opening a business; I suppose in a lot of ways I'm approaching this the same. I guess I shouldn't. I appreciate what you are saying. Here, the product I want to sell is the program, and the payoff is the success of the chapter. Or, really, the success of the members themselves. They really ARE in charge of their program-- and being put in charge is part of the product that we are selling!
TRL
You've hit the nail on the head. The guys ARE in charge... it is their chapter, and we are just there to guide them... not propel them... through the program. Some kids want the whole thing... others just want the sports... some, just the friends... and others want the leadership. You have to be able to ride the roller-coaster of what they are able to accept and excel in.
NewGuy
OK, and I get that. I appreciate the changes, but I am deeply concerned about one aspect of it, and that is that the ritual gets lost if the guys choose to lose it. I think the foundation should be in the program. I am not saying I should be able to force them to practice, however.
TRL
Which is why we NEED Masons and Senior DeMolays to provide balance to the input of less experienced parents and other volunteers... and to provide positive views of the ritual training we offer.
NewGuy
That's really important. I'm just trying to understand how to guide them into the ritual work without crossing that line.
TRL
Expectations. Once they get to know you and respect you for letting them be in control, they will want to meet your expectations. They will do it to gain your approval, and support.
NewGuy
I just need a few strong ritual guys who can pave the way for the next wave of kids that I help bring in.
TRL
You will need to compromise your urgent desire to make ritual happen immediately. About the best you can do is relate the concept of ritual excellence to skills you developed that they say they admire. It is a process... and it doesn't happen overnight.
NewGuy
I am starting to see what you mean.
TRL
Recruit the best and brightest and busiest and most ambitious kids you can find... they'll make time to try ritual because it is something they don't get anywhere else...
NewGuy
I'm hoping to have a good group at Key Man next year. it'll be a great chance to really have the new DeMolays experience the whole thing.
TRL
That is ALWAYS a great way to start them off!
NewGuy
It'll be neat for me too... I have fond memories of the Key Man program and my chapter in general, plus I have some of the closest friends in my life from it. I guess I just want my chapter to feel the same way.
TRL
Maybe they already do! Y'know, DeMolay isn't just ritual or sports. Today's members really get the fidelity, toleration and brotherhood lessons of the DeMolay Degree. Most will tell you that is what attracted them to the program, and what keeps them involved.
NewGuy
Hmmmmm... maybe they DO get it, and I was just so focused on ritual that I didn't see it. But, if they don't do the ritual, how do the know about it-- how do they get these lessons?
TRL
It's the PA DeMolay culture. Every Chapter, and every statewide event promotes these virtues, and everyone repeats the obligations at these events when we bring in new members-- so they actually are learning the ritual, and don't even realize it. More importantly, I see them putting their words into practice by the way they accept and treat each other.
NewGuy
I guess that IS the most important thing-- that they understand who we are and what we stand for. But I still want them to learn and perform the ritual.
TRL
To tell you the truth, so do I, and they will, but only if you inspire them to do it. Just remember that you can't force the issue.
NewGuy
Thanks for listening, and thanks for the insight.
TRL
Thanks for your enthusiasm and your commitment! It will be great to have you involved as an Advisor.
