Dealing with Adults

It's been a busy week here at Patton Campus; between our quarterly Board of Directors meeting, the Grand Lodge of New Jersey being in, and all of the other activities in and around the Masonic Village, campus has been alive with activity. This weekend, on Sunday, I had a practice for degree conferrals for one of the Masonic bodies that I'm a member of. That is where the story begins.

Before the practice I was sitting around talking to some other members of the cast and trying to organize a few things for upcoming weeks. I said hello to one of our older (than me) members and asked him if he was going to go to an event that was coming up. He replied that he was and then lamented that part of the event was going to occur on a Friday afternoon, which meant he would have to get off of work. I said that the Friday afternoon event was optional, but before I could finish he cut me off and said "... I'm going to that (event) whether you like it or not..." after which he stormed away. Everyone around me was suddenly quiet, as was I, because we were not sure what had caused this sudden anger. We went back to our conversations and continued with the practice, but I was still bothered by the episode.

After we finished I approached the fellow in charge of our area (like a District Deputy) who also witnessed the conversation. I brought up that the event made me feel uneasy and that I was unsure of what I did wrong. After some discussion we distilled that part of the problem may have been the age difference between this member and myself. As I have gotten more invovled in the group I have been assigned more responsibility. When you're dealing with a group who's average age is over 70 years old, you have to handle things a bit differently. He reminded me that some members may not take kindly to a 26 year old being given responsibility (and authority.) That was a good point and I now have a strategy for how to handle this situation in the future.

In much the same way, DeMolays have to know how to handle the adults that they work with. This is especially important as we are in the midst of the Take Control! initiative. While we want our members to take a bigger part in the operation of their Chapter, it has to be done in a way that is cooperative and engaging to both members and advisors. If a Master Councilor walks into an Advisory Council meeting and demands that he be allowed to spend down the treasury on a paintball trip, without having done any fundraising, the Advisors are going to balk (and rightfully so.) You can't just demand things because you're in charge. A better way to handle that situation would have been to go to the Advisory Council with a fundraising plan, that was worked on by all three Councilors, that includes a paintball outing. Now the Council is going to be more receptive to your ideas and willing to work with you.

One thing I have consistently run up against in my career, and in my life, has been the issue of being thought of as "too young." The current generation of DeMolays are going to have this problem as well. Why? It's a complicated issue, but I attribute it to two things. First is the DeMolay program itself. By being involved and active in DeMolay we are being taught skills and abilities that are preparing us for our careers and lives. Most people haven't received this kind of extra "training," which puts us at an advantage when going out into the real world. In many cases, people who are older than us didn't receive this kind of opportunity either, and perhaps they put in several years in "the trenches" before they could get to where they are. When a young person comes in with skills, abilities, and enthusiasm to advance, it can be shock that makes an older generation become defensive and wary. Breaking down that barrier is extremely difficult, and quite frankly, that is why I left my previous job to come the Youth Foundation. It behooves us all to be mindful of this kind of situation in the workforce and in our lives so that we can better understand how some people react to us.

The second part of the equation (at least as I see it) is part of how our generation was raised. I was taught all throughout school that I could do anything I put my mind to; that I was valued as a person and that my opinion mattered. The world was mine for the taking. You know what? It still is, but this has to be tempered by some humility. Sometimes we have to recognize that no matter how bright we think we are, no matter how great we think we've done, we are still young and have a lot to learn. When I was just out of college I was ready to take on the world. In return I took some bumps and bruises on the way as I found out that I needed to sit back and learn from others, because I was never going to have all the answers. One of my jobs involved being the guy that fired people. Let me tell you, when you are 24 years old and you are firing a man who is a 55 year old career professional, it's not easy.  I was called alot of names, was threatened, and more. However, because I had confidence in my abilities I was able to perform my job. The trick is walking that fine line between confidence and arrogance, and it can be a tough one to walk.

The next time that you're having trouble dealing with your parents, your teachers, your Advisors, or your boss, remember that showing a little humility and taking a step back to evalutate the situation may do you more good than plunging in head first. Sometimes the answer isn't about doing, it's about knowing when not to do. Huh. Sounds kind of like being an Advisor, doesn't it?

Frat!~"Dad" Seth Anthony